ARMORED (2009 USA)


Ben Meyers’ rating: 1.5|5.0 Starsì

Armored starts like any good movie should and plays well like any high three-star entertainment piece. Then Mike Cochrane (Matt Dillon) and Ty Hackett (Columbus Short) go to a hot dog stand and the viewer begins to realize there is not going to be much story to this movie. It almost seems like it wants to be a documentary. Then, to make things even worse, after the characters start discussing a bank robbery, the movie moves to a laughable warehouse scene where money is moved from two armored trucks into a hole in the wall with a homeless man secretly watching the monetary transfer. After the homeless man is injured, Ty Hackett gets a conscience and tries to make a getaway with the homeless man. The homeless man is dispatched and Ty Hackett tries to make a getaway in one of the armored trucks. The rest of the movie then proceeds to meander toward its final resting place in a process that includes approximately twenty minutes viewing Ty Hackett’s perils in a crashed armored truck beleaguered by his former outlaw buddies—Mike Cochrane, Baines (Laurence Fishburne), Quinn (Jean Reno), Palmer (Amaury Nolasco), and Dobbs (Skeet Ulrich). While Duncan Ashcroft (Fred Ward) and Eckehart (Milo Ventimiglia) play strong performances, Armored is a total waste of viewer’s time and a waste of good actors like Fishburne, Reno, Dillon, and Short. This is not the expected thriller, but more of an action drama with a script that couldn’t find itself. Director Nimród Antal couldn’t improve it. Hopefully, Antal will perform better with Predators.

Storyline

Ty Hackett (Columbus Short) faces eviction from the family home and possible loss of his kid brother, Jimmy (Andre Kinney) to child services. He decides the solution to his financial challenges is to help friends rob the Federal Reserve.

Additional Thanks

Thank you to Director Nimród Antal for directing efforts. Thank you to Executive Producers Russell Hollander and Debra James for making the film possible. Additional characters/cast include: Mike Cochrane (Matt Dillon), Quinn (Jean Reno), Baines (Laurence Fishburne), Palmer (Amaury Nolasco), Duncan Ashcroft (Fred Ward), Eckehart (Milo Ventimiglia), and Dobbs (Skeet Ulrich).

Buy a ticket? Yes? No? Maybe?

No.

Ben Meyers

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